Clarkson: Porsche Panamera has no purpose at all and is as ugly as an inside-out monk
#1
10-20-2009, 08:43 AM
Clarkson: Porsche Panamera has no purpose at all and is as ugly as an inside-out monk 
Jeremy Clarkson has a tendency to be very straightforward and honest; and we respect that. Speaking on the 2010 Porsche Panamera, Clarkson says that the sedan seems to have no purpose at all.
“I understand, of course, why Porsche chose to build a four-door saloon, Clarkson wrote over at TimesOnline. “It’s the same reason Lamborghini
While Clarkson complements the design of the Lamborghini Estoque and the Aston Martin Rapide, he says that Porsche gave the job of designing the Panamera “to a janitor.”
“The Panamera, though, is worse. People have tried to be kind, saying that it’s challenging and that it’s unusual. But the simple fact of the matter is this: it’s as ugly as an inside-out monkey. It’s dreadful.” started work on such a thing, and Aston Martin too. These are small companies and it makes economic sense to squeeze as many models as possible from every component.”
“I understand, of course, why Porsche chose to build a four-door saloon, Clarkson wrote over at TimesOnline. “It’s the same reason Lamborghini
While Clarkson complements the design of the Lamborghini Estoque and the Aston Martin Rapide, he says that Porsche gave the job of designing the Panamera “to a janitor.”
“The Panamera, though, is worse. People have tried to be kind, saying that it’s challenging and that it’s unusual. But the simple fact of the matter is this: it’s as ugly as an inside-out monkey. It’s dreadful.” started work on such a thing, and Aston Martin too. These are small companies and it makes economic sense to squeeze as many models as possible from every component.”
#3
10-20-2009, 08:48 AM
I wish they released a 928 instead, it would make sense competing with the like of Granturismo S, DB9, 612 etc.
#4
10-20-2009, 10:32 AM
Here's the column (well only the bit about the Panny actually):
This is the joy of the motor car. It has so many uses. A commuter device, a means whereby others can assess your wealth, a crow-scarer, a thrill machine, a beater, a tool, a thing of exquisite beauty, a stereo, an air-conditioned respite from the sun and shelter in the rain. It is something you can love, cherish, abuse, polish and, if you are Stephen Ireland, that Manchester City player with the blinged-up Bentley, ruin.
And this brings me on to the Porsche Panacea, which sits in the mix like an apple core on a birthday cake. It seems to have no purpose at all.
I understand, of course, why Porsche chose to build a four-door saloon. It’s the same reason Lamborghini started work on such a thing, and Aston Martin too. These are small companies and it makes economic sense to squeeze as many models as possible from every component. You have the engine. You have the chassis. And you have a lot of people who won’t buy anything you make because they want four doors.
The trouble is, while Lamborghini and Aston Martin clearly employ talented stylists to ensure an elongated, widened four-seat variation on a two-seater theme does not end up looking like a supermodel who’s gone to fat, Porsche plainly gave the job to a janitor.
I actually wonder sometimes whether Porsche employs a stylist at all. Plainly, it had some bloke back in the Thirties, when Hitler created the ancestor of the 911, and it had someone else in the Seventies and Eighties, when it was making the wondrous 928 (the 944 wasn’t bad either), but today, God knows who’s in charge. Someone who, I suspect, has never been to art school.
The original design for the Boxster was exquisite but then someone obviously said: “Instead of making this, why don’t we make the actual car we sell look like that pushmi-pullyu thing from Doctor Dolittle?”
Then there’s the Gayman, which is simply hideous, and don’t even get me started on the Cayenne. No, do get me started. What were they thinking of? I understand the reasoning behind that 911-style nose, but did no one stop and think: “Hang on. Putting a 911’s face on the front of a truck is the same as putting Keira Knightley’s phizog on the front of Brian Blessed. The end result is going to look absurd”? And it does.
The Cayenne is one of the few cars that look better when a footballer has added 39in wheels, spoilers and wings. Because the bling detracts from the hopeless starting point.
The Panamera, though, is worse. People have tried to be kind, saying that it’s challenging and that it’s unusual. But the simple fact of the matter is this: it’s as ugly as an inside-out monkey. It’s dreadful. Part Austin Maxi, it looks like someone with no talent at all was trying to describe what they wanted to a blind person, over the phone.
I tried one on a recent trip to Romania and I thought it was a very good car. But that’s like saying Ann Widdecombe has a heart of gold. It’s possibly true but it’s completely irrelevant. You still wouldn’t.
This is the joy of the motor car. It has so many uses. A commuter device, a means whereby others can assess your wealth, a crow-scarer, a thrill machine, a beater, a tool, a thing of exquisite beauty, a stereo, an air-conditioned respite from the sun and shelter in the rain. It is something you can love, cherish, abuse, polish and, if you are Stephen Ireland, that Manchester City player with the blinged-up Bentley, ruin.
And this brings me on to the Porsche Panacea, which sits in the mix like an apple core on a birthday cake. It seems to have no purpose at all.
I understand, of course, why Porsche chose to build a four-door saloon. It’s the same reason Lamborghini started work on such a thing, and Aston Martin too. These are small companies and it makes economic sense to squeeze as many models as possible from every component. You have the engine. You have the chassis. And you have a lot of people who won’t buy anything you make because they want four doors.
The trouble is, while Lamborghini and Aston Martin clearly employ talented stylists to ensure an elongated, widened four-seat variation on a two-seater theme does not end up looking like a supermodel who’s gone to fat, Porsche plainly gave the job to a janitor.
I actually wonder sometimes whether Porsche employs a stylist at all. Plainly, it had some bloke back in the Thirties, when Hitler created the ancestor of the 911, and it had someone else in the Seventies and Eighties, when it was making the wondrous 928 (the 944 wasn’t bad either), but today, God knows who’s in charge. Someone who, I suspect, has never been to art school.
The original design for the Boxster was exquisite but then someone obviously said: “Instead of making this, why don’t we make the actual car we sell look like that pushmi-pullyu thing from Doctor Dolittle?”
Then there’s the Gayman, which is simply hideous, and don’t even get me started on the Cayenne. No, do get me started. What were they thinking of? I understand the reasoning behind that 911-style nose, but did no one stop and think: “Hang on. Putting a 911’s face on the front of a truck is the same as putting Keira Knightley’s phizog on the front of Brian Blessed. The end result is going to look absurd”? And it does.
The Cayenne is one of the few cars that look better when a footballer has added 39in wheels, spoilers and wings. Because the bling detracts from the hopeless starting point.
The Panamera, though, is worse. People have tried to be kind, saying that it’s challenging and that it’s unusual. But the simple fact of the matter is this: it’s as ugly as an inside-out monkey. It’s dreadful. Part Austin Maxi, it looks like someone with no talent at all was trying to describe what they wanted to a blind person, over the phone.
I tried one on a recent trip to Romania and I thought it was a very good car. But that’s like saying Ann Widdecombe has a heart of gold. It’s possibly true but it’s completely irrelevant. You still wouldn’t.
#9
10-20-2009, 12:41 PM
+2, if he didn't have an utter hatred of Porsche I would absolutely love the man...
#10
10-20-2009, 04:02 PM
lol, Good read.
And he is Right, I'm not saying a hate all Porsches, I think there swell. However out side of the 911, there all ugly. The easiest way to get an opinion on something is ask some one completely unbiased, My Mom does not know what a Cayenne is nor will she ever care, but every time I'm out with her and we see one she always points ans says "it looks like that thing needs to fart", And she's right.
Of course there are many people on here way too obsessed to see it any other way, and will defend that to the death. Just like any parent will never admit how ugly there kid is even after they got the lead role in the school play of "The Hunchback of notre dame"
So with that being said I hope one day Clarkson will rules the world. And now I will go find my flame suit and go hide.
And he is Right, I'm not saying a hate all Porsches, I think there swell. However out side of the 911, there all ugly. The easiest way to get an opinion on something is ask some one completely unbiased, My Mom does not know what a Cayenne is nor will she ever care, but every time I'm out with her and we see one she always points ans says "it looks like that thing needs to fart", And she's right.
Of course there are many people on here way too obsessed to see it any other way, and will defend that to the death. Just like any parent will never admit how ugly there kid is even after they got the lead role in the school play of "The Hunchback of notre dame"
So with that being said I hope one day Clarkson will rules the world. And now I will go find my flame suit and go hide.