The apocalypse, if you’re a member of the Mayan Book-a-Month Club, is only about two years away. That doesn’t give you much time to start packing away necessary items to ward off zombies and the like, but you should still be able to spend a few minutes researching the right vehicle in which to ride out the world’s impending doom.

A Ford F-150 SVT Raptor comes to mind, as does a fleet of more utilitarian Volvo 240s or Mercedes-Benz 240Ds, but the Monster Energy Drink crowd might have fetched all the Raptors and you’ll spend half of a decade scraping hipster bumper stickers off of those 30-year-old European hoopties.

How about something with a little more class – and enough scoot to leave virtually anything in your dust, aside from maybe Will Smith’s Ford Shelby GT500?

Enter the Mercedes-Benz G55 AMG, the six-figure Swiss Army Knife on wheels that seems to tick off just about every box in our list of “items we want in our dream car.”

What is it?
Take a hand-built, 500-horsepower supercharged V8, add infour exhaust pipes exiting in pairs ahead of the rear wheels, slap on a simple squared-off body riding on a separate ladder-type chassis, toss in three locking differentials and two robust solid axles and then wrap the interior interior in leather.

There, you have it. The Mercedes-Benz G55 AMG. It’s the most absurd vehicle on the market, but its ever-lasting appeal still manages to find plenty of buyers across the globe. Mercedes-Benz intended to kill off its rugged G-Class – the name stems from Geländewagen, which is German for “over-land vehicle” – about a decade ago, but military contracts and well-heeled shoppers couldn’t get enough of them, so production will continue for at least five more years.

The G was introduced all the way back in 1979 as a civilian model, although it didn’t officially come to America until 2002 despite a plethora of gray market imports. Along the way, Mercedes has seen fit to equip it with a number of advanced features, but there’s no denying that this is an old vehicle at its core. Measuring just 184.5 inches from head to toe, it is five inches shorter than a Jeep Grand Cherokee – already among the trimmest midsize ‘utes.

It was designed initially for military use and most civilized and uncivilized nations still place orders for specially-equipped models. Those military-spec Gs are built right alongside luxurious civilian models, although German production precision probably means you won’t find a machine gun “accidentally” installed on a G55 AMG.

Built under contract in Austria by Magna-Steyr, the G-Wagen comes in two flavors for American buyers – the fairly tame G500 and the positively manic G55 AMG. Guess which one would sit in our apocalyptic garage?

What’s it up against?
We can’t think of any high-performance tanks (aside from this one), so it’s hard to come up with rivals. You might want to look at a Porsche Cayenne Turbo or a Land Rover Range Rover Supercharged, but neither matches the G55′s outlandish nature.

Imagine if Ferrari made a station wagon, Lamborghini decided to get into the minivan class or Aston Martin introduced a city car (oh, wait). Those might top the G55 in terms of craziness.

Any breakthroughs?
Look beyond the acres of fragrant cow hide, wood trim and fancy audio equipment and you’ll find a simple four-wheel-drive vehicle designed back before the words “sport” and “utility” were ever nestled together.

As such, it’s hard not to be pleased with the G55′s off road features in this era where Jeep and Land Rover both offer all-wheel-drive cars with lift kits. Three locking differentials – actuated by a trio of dashboard-mounted buttons – and solid front and rear axles mean the G55 is matched only by the Jeep Wrangler and heavy duty pickups for off road cred.

How does it look?
We kept pulling at the fenders to see if our G55 was still in the proverbial “box it came in,” but these creases and sharp angles are the real deal. The antithesis of the shapely Mercedes-Benz CLS-Class, the G-Class seems to have been designed with a straight edge and a German sense of purpose. That’s because it was.

Unlike virtually anything else on the market, the G55 eschews curves in favor of upright doors and a nearly vertical windshield. The AMG treatment added special 19-inch alloy wheels, chrome running boards and chrome brush guards, making this undoubtedly the only AMG product ever equipped with off road-oriented features. We bet the AMG team felt more at home designing the exhaust, which exits the vehicle just ahead of each rear wheel with two chromed pipes per side. Yeah, baby!

Over the years, Mercedes-Benz saw fit to update its basic shape with a slightly more rounded fascia, HID headlamps and more aerodynamic mirrors, but most of the design is pure ’70s utility, all the way down to the “stick your finger in” panel gaps.

And on the inside?
Updated with Mercedes-Benz’s newest switchgear, a version of its COMAND infotainment and navigation system and plenty of leather, the G55 nonetheless shows its age inside even more than it does outside.

Fancy features can’t hide its awkward proportions, like limited passenger space – especially in the three-seat second row – and its narrow cabin. The front seats are chair-like, mounted high off the floor and boasting inflatable air bladders for more adjustability, as well as built-in heating and air conditioning. They are firm and Germanic in every sense of the word.

Ahead of the driver sits an upright dashboard swathed in rich burl wood. The radio controls are down near the driver’s knees, while the climate controls are just slightly above his ankles. Ergonomics are not the modus operandi here, unless you’re reaching for the differential locks.

A massive and heavy swing-out tailgate reveals a boxy but capacious cargo area. Earlier Gs featured a pair of jump seats for sixth and seventh passengers, but they’re now a thing of the past.

As its price and its three-pointed star would suggest, materials and assembly are generally top notch unless their inherent age suggests otherwise. A pair of speakers mounted to the D-pillars in the cargo area look like they came from AutoZone and the basketball net-style single front cupholder is laughable....