Anarchy to the UK: Team AnastasiaDate.com Reports from Gumball Air!
Gumball Air flight OR7682 from JFK to Prestwick was the first time since the driver’s meeting that the entire rally had been in one place simultaneously. The stewardesses did get a great picture with Eve, but let’s hope they got hazard pay too.
I had the good luck to have found a seat across the aisle from 16-time Rally participant Karta Healy, who was the last person to attempt the Gumball on a motorcycle. He looks like a slightly more grizzled version of Mathew Maconnahey, has a gaze like a Zen master, and is infinitely cooler that you could be even if you had a dozen lifetimes to attempt to uprock him.
Healy was nearly killed in 2004, when he was broadsided during a stage in Morroco. He had to be airlifted out and spend the next three days hovering on the brink of death. Doctors said he’d never walk again, but he called bullshit and now he just has a limp.
Before we left the tarmac, he related a story about skateboarding down the aisle during takeoff on a previous Gumball Air flight:
“The stewardess saw me stuffing pillows down the front of my shirt, and I said ‘sorry, I have to do this’ and made it about halfway down before I got clipped by a guy who had his broken leg out in the aisle.”
I didn’t see anyone skateboarding on this flight, but it still had plenty of charm.
The plane was still climbing when a pack of Gumballers decided it was time to begin beverage service, and descended on the galley like a pack of jackals on a limping impala. Pritchard from the UK television series Dirty Sanchez—think Jackass, but an order of magnitude more disgusting—was sporting a Speedo and crawling over rows of seats. Lap dances were threatened—and delivered.
Cigarettes, and some things that weren’t cigarettes, were surreptitiously smoked. A semblance of order was restored to Gumball Air when official flight host Bun B took to the intercom:
“Welcome to Gumball Air, this is your host Bun B. We’d like to start our food and drink service, but too many of you assholes are still standing in the aisles. So kindly sit the f**k down, so we can get something to drink and eat. Thank you for flying Gumball Air, motherf**ker.”
Check out the pics below and head over to AnastasiaDate.com’s official Gumball 3000 site for all the info you can handle on this year’s sexiest drivers!
